Asthma

4:37 a.m. my eyes open and my hand rushes to my chest. 

I roll over and tap Bryan in a very calm manner. He looks at me and knows. He’s been dealing with this for the 2 & a half years we’ve been together. 

He carries me to the car, puts the hazard lights on and heads to the hospital. 

My lungs hurt. I feel them pounding in my chest begging me for air. I can’t talk, I can’t cry, I feel frozen with fear. For you never really know, will we make it in time? What song was on the radio? Has it really only been 2 minutes since we left? 

After having asthma my whole life, it’s amazing how it still takes you by suprise and scares you to death. 

We arrive. Breathing treatment, steroid shot, chest X-ray, oxygen. Same thing every time. I can breath again, my lungs are exhausted, my body feels like jello. But I can breath again. To God be the glory, time to go home and rest for now. 

But I’ll be back. I always have to come back. 

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Afraid 

It’s easy to believe that love is what you learned it was when you were very small..

Now that I’m older I know it’s not like that at all.. 

You see, love is fun in many ways. But it can also destroy you throughout the days. 

My heart shakes with fear at thought of what you could do. All along I hoped I could trust in you. 

See, I’m not afraid of love it’s self. I love many things: I love the ocean & seeing the waves. I love daisies & beautiful things. Things I can see with my own eyes. Things I know don’t wear a disguise. 

But love, love is not like that at all. I’m just afraid, don’t let me fall. 


Xoxo, thea 

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What even is love? 

Hey y’all, I’m new to the blogging world! I guess I’ll just jump right in! 

My best friend from high school turned out to be my first real love, we did the whole 4 years thing and broke up when he went off to school. He was crazy about me… But half the time I could care less about him.

He was a good boy, never did much wrong.. Football star.. Going somewhere with his life. 

I was the party girl, the if we aren’t drinking I’m not having fun girl. He tried so hard to keep up with me and I just pushed him away, farther & farther everyday. 

We broke up (my idea) and he went on to college (continued being a football star) he graduated, he’s a teacher now and I am deeply Inlove with my current boyfriend. 

But why do I often think of him?

Why do I wonder if he thinks of me?

We weren’t just some little high school fling, he was my best friend. And honestly that’s what I miss. We always ruin something good for something great don’t we? Knowing great things don’t last forever. 

Thanks for reading! Let’s hear about your first love! 

Xoxo, thea 

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